sensation, scent, and Cerato Fragrances
A few weeks ago I sent Sarah a box of shirts that I thought were more suited to her than to me. When she called to thank me, she said, this is so silly, but my favorite part was that the box smelled like you. She said, omg Jen! as she held the shirts to her face. I don’t know if she actually did that, but I like to imagine that she did. It makes me teary, this idea of best friends across the country missing each other’s smell. Sarah and I lived together for many years; our limbic systems have thousands of memories of each other stored, the smell of sarah cooking oatmeal, or me burning it.
I used to wear a waterlily perfume in the 90’s that I got at a little shop in Waterville, Maine with Joy and Chloe. For years I would get hints of it and my whole body brought me back to that little shop, what it was like to be in a fifteen year old body, how much I loved them. I wore it all the time before I switched to my absolute favorite, which was a Vanilla perfume that I got at Paris EPCOT!! I absolutely loved telling people where I got it. To be clear, I no longer wear the epcot perfume, but that’s mostly because I haven’t been back to Epcot. For years in my twenties I wore Jo Malone’s Lime Basil Madarin. In the months after my mom died I happened to be at the Westfield Century City and for some reason I walked into the Jo Malone store and sprayed myself with this old familiar scent. On the drive home, in rush hour traffic I had a massive panic attack on Beverly Blvd. I had to get out of the car. I paced on the corner outside the Heath Ceramics store talking on the phone with Jeanne, because when she answered the phone she told me to get out of the car immediately. Then a woman walked by who I happened to know, who I hadn’t seen in years, and she asked how I was, to which I answered, my mom died, I am having a panic attack. I put on this old perfume and I can’t breathe from the memory of it all. The universe is sweet like this sometimes, sometimes it will just deliver you a person on a dark corner that you can tell your truth to.
Our body’s remember, they don’t just remember the trauma, but everything; they are the record keepers of lives fully lived and experienced. Every time I hear a ringtone from the Nokia days I think of a man I used to love. The smell of night blooming jasmine makes me think about being in Florida with my family, and about that one time Tessa and put our noses as close as we could get on Maui and I thought about how I wanted to just stay in this moment with her because it felt so safe and beautiful. I miss a lot of things about my mom, but mostly I miss holding her hand. I miss the way I would grab on to her pant leg or sleeve of her shirt when I was scared, and how sometimes one of my best friends used to let me hold onto his clothes as well.
My body has so many stories to tell, not just of sadness, but of so much love, beauty and joy. The way a winter morning smelled in the Hudson Valley, sitting on the porch with Alena having Dunkin iced coffees and donuts. The smell of cigarettes and secrets shared. The way the barroom floor’s of New York were sticky with all my hopes and dreams. The way my tiny friend’s body felt sitting beside me at a thing last night, just there with me, held in all the contact. I never thought I would miss being pushed up against strangers on the subway, but sometimes I do.
What beauty does your body remember? What about love? I’m not in the mood for trauma today, but before we ask our bodies to tell us all the things it remembers that it would rather forget, let’s listen to all the sensations, scents, images, and memories that fortify it.
I met LIbby the same way I meet a lot of people. I was at a thing, we started talking, and then I grilled her about her life. I can’t help it!! I really like to know things!! And honestly I never regret it. When she mentioned that she was the co-founder of Cerato Fragrances I instantly asked if I could smell anything. Scent can change your day. She pulled Sweet Venus or Peace Root out of her bag. It smelled glorious and I ordered them instantly. Like I said, I like to know things! And I like to spray myself, roll myself, bask in the scent of beauty all day long, because sometimes, I forget how beautiful it is to have a body that is filled with wisdom and memory and pragmatism and regeneration, a body that can shift seemlessly from crying to laughing and back again, but when I smell something beautiful I slow down for a moment and I remember, and isn’t remembering the whole point.
Take a moment, remember a moment in your life that was filled with love or beauty or joy, what does it smell like, what do you hear, see, feel? It might hurt sometimes, but also there is always this; it may be hiding but I guarantee you it is there waiting for you to remember.
And now please enjoy this lovely interview with Libby Gray from Cerato Fragrances. Oh, and also maybe probably you need one of their scents. Just sayin.
xxJenny
photo courtesy of Libby Gray, co-founder Cerato Fragrances
