you have one problem
Last week I stumbled upon this sentence in one of my grandfather’s daily readers, Life is a series of agreeings and disagreeings with the universe. Um, c’mon, a bullseye in 11 words. We treat our life experiences like judges on a baking reality show, ooooh pretty, yummy, I love it, gimme more or horrible, hell no, disgusting, get out and never come back. We walk around and put pieces of tape labeled good and bad on our life.
I look up the etymology of the word problem. In it’s Ancient Greek form, problema, it means something thrown forward or placed in one’s path. It refers to a formal proposition, a puzzle, a physical barrier. But then the world wide web says this, over the centuries, the term shifted from a neutral proposed question for a solution, to a modern sense of trouble, and difficulty, hard times.
Do you have problems? Of course you do, you are alive!!! Making a problems list is one of my favorite past times, it’s what we talk to our friends about, it’s what we chew on unconsciously when we are waiting for the light to turn green, it’s the mantra we play in the background of our lives, problems, problems, problems, stomach ache, problems. And actually it is really helpful to write a problems list. What are 10 problems in your life? This shouldn’t be hard, you have been thinking about them all day.
But really I only ever have one problem, and that is that I need a shift in perspective.
Marianne Williamson says, a miracle is a shift in perspective and I have found that to be so true. So when I am suddenly taking out the tape and labeling everything BAD, BIG PROBLEM, HOPELESS, NEVER GONNA CHANGE the first thing I can do is set to work to change my perspective.
Now let me be clear I cannot do this alone. I heard a woman say the other day, trying to address what is in my head alone is like trying to cut a cake with a cake. Brilliant!
The other day I sat in a circle with 8 exceptional women, like amazing women. We were prompted to share what we love, notice, wish for each person, as each woman sat and did the work of trying to allow us to see them. It was so easy to look at each of them and yell out, this is amazing, and this, and look at this, and it was way harder to sit and receive, but I did it, and I practiced staying present and actually making a space in my stubborn body to take it all in. I cried. I am crying now. They said such nice things, but there was one thing in particular that slayed me. I will get the exact language wrong here, and I cannot believe that I am going to write it at all, and I guarantee I will fill with shame because I am going to share something quote unquote positive about myself. YIKES.
She said, you have walked through so much fire and you are still so bright, unburned. But i am brighter because of the fire. I am brighter because of the problems, the bad pieces of tape. I am brighter because things fell in my path that i thought I would never get past, and II never did get past some of them, instead I let them change me.
I don’t really know what is best for me and what isn’t. I am only me. I don’t have the whole picture, of my life, of your life. The other day a man told me that every morning as he has his coffee he tries to get as granular as possible in his gratitude, thanking everyone who brought that cup of coffee into his hands. I’m prob not gonna do that because he actually did the list as an example and I got kinda bored, but conceptually I’m all in.
So here’s my new system for when I have a problem. I write it down. Then I walk away and take action to change my perspective. I call someone. I water the plants. I do the dishes. I drive somewhere. I make mediocre art. I write down a gratitude list. I write down what is going well in my life. I drop it and wait for the universe to open back up again in my mind. I wait for it to feel like the sky is opening instead of falling, and then I can go back to the list and see it with a new perspective and new solutions that are probably more open and expanded then I had originally thought with my cake cutting cake thinking.
I like this ancient idea of a proposed question by the universe, an obstacle that can be explored, and worked with, because maybe that obstacle is supposed to be hard, maybe the problem came directly to you to change you, to make you a bigger brighter version of yourself. So take off all those tape labels and replace them with question marks, is it in the way or is it the way?
I love you.
A PS from Rhode Island… It was so hard to finish writing this because I am in a house with my cousins and my favorite little babe Miles, and I just want to go watch him eat eggs, and I am about to go pick up one of my best friends in the whole world, who just had her heart banged up by the universe, and I am going to hug her, and take her on a 48 hour Mass to Maine mini print adventure, and I am filled with love and excitement, so maybe I rushed a little!!
OMG this painting by Jordan Casteel
