strangers

Last month over salads at Deisings in uptown Kingston I got my mind blown! My lunch companion told me about Hal Hershfield’s Future Self Study. He explained to me that people got hooked up to brain scans and the researchers asked them questions about themselves, like do you think you are smart? Do you think you are funny? Pretty? And when they answered, a very specific part of the brain lit up. Then they asked them do you think Matt Damon is funny? Is Anne Hathaway smart? ( These were the people presented to me in the retelling; I am just repeating here.) Anyway they asked and a totally different part of the brain lit up. Then they asked do you think you will still be smart in ten years? Do you think you will still have good taste in ten years, and the Matt Damon part of the brain lit up.

(If you know me at all, you know that I will def be referring to the Matt Damon part of my brain from now on!) The researchers were so confused. Why isn’t the self part lighting up when we ask about our future selves? So they did the whole entire study again, and the results were exactly the same.

The results… Our future selves are strangers to us. We do not know them yet.

In a very practical sense, how do we build a sound future for our future selves? How do we save money, get fit, build businesses and dreams if we have as much connection to them as we do a stranger we walk past at the mall? lol, the mall. The researchers attempted to draw a line of empathy and connection between now and our future selves by creating AI generated older pictures. But honestly I have no idea what created these pictures, because they look so weird, and I would definitely not put $5 a month into a 401K for those old aliens. They should have used my FaceApp, because Cool Old is a chef’s kiss! I’m kidding, but in my big fat opinion that isn’t the solution.

The man I was having lunch with suggested that we look back to our lives five years ago and ask what we wish we had done differently. Sure. I wish I had done a lot of stuff differently, but then I just feel regret, and a little kick myself -y, and nobody really likes to be kicked. Have those regrets and reflections shifted my behavior? Some days. It’s a very smart, and analytical response. I am maybe not analytical enough, but it can also be a top down defense that isolates us from access to our feelings, sensations, and intuition; I have lived there for a lot of life, and I prefer where I live now! I should also say the man I was having lunch with is a financial advisor, and so BRAVO let’s go with analysis with a lot of reflection sprinkled in. Wouldn’t it be incredible if we had a chart of each incredible aspect of our design with a corresponding line telling us it’s purpose?? Like the index in a car manual, when you see this circle with wavy lines it means you are having an absolute meltdown because you ignored five feelings, didn’t say one honest truth, and you are hungry. But also then life would be less fun!

ANYWAY… I’m just spitballing here, but what if there is another option, like RIGHT NOW. Look around you. Notice that you have sit bones that are touching something, or feet on the ground. Notice if they are allowing the earth or seat to hold them, or are they a little raised in anticipation? Allow yourself to move your neck as you look around the space you are in. Are you safe right now in this space? We always forget to check if we are safe before we proceed! This is your life right now. You may like what you see, and you may not, but this thing here is called the present moment and this is where all your power to create the life you want lives, here and now. Yes. Right now. Here. In the Huna philosophy, which is like Kabbalah for Hawaii, the word MANAWA means the moment of power is now.

I love the prompt, write down twenty honest things. Because it starts to align us to the present moment, with ourselves, and also it starts to remind us that we are mixed bags of gratitude and bad ideas, fairytales and practical plans, icky feelings and goddamn rainbows. We are so many things all at once all the time. Maybe you look at that list and think well I am not seeing anything good today, maybe you can’t write it because you are avoiding it like a around the back gas station bathroom. All good!! This is all happening here and now. You are right here, always.

AND ALSO… I recently had an idea for an offering I would like to create moving forward. I was excited. I was like, oh wait a minute, this is exactly perfect for me, and then I got to work on it. I was researching, planning, a little of this, a little of that. Then I had a realization, like if I really wanted this right now I would be taking actual actions to move it forward right now. I was like a ceramicist doodling vases on a notepad without a wheel, and this has a place, but it is not to be confused with taking action. A list is just a list, and so often we mistake list making for living, they are different things!

This was such an A HA moment for me, because then I could say, oh I’m not actually doing this, maybe it’s not quite time yet. I need to place my actions on something else right now before I begin this. I am not ready is so much more empowering than pretending you are doing something and being upset that it isn’t working out!!

So this is what I thought when I heard about this study. If we practiced being in the here and now, and if we practiced understanding the difference between dreaming and action we would stand a higher chance of creating a strong aligned future for ourselves.

We practice being in the present moment by noticing it.

We practice taking action by taking baby actions. You can take a big one too, but prob it’ll overwhelm you and you’ll contract and you will forget that you were practicing anything at all and you’ll reach for the first thing that makes you feel safe again, maybe even the thing you took action away from!!

Out on the open seas ( I clearly spend a lot of time at the mall and on the open seas!!!!) you only need to change the direction of your course a teeny tiny bit to change the course of your entire adventure!! (Nautical talk!)

Also, c’mon isn’t it exciting that we haven’t met all the people we are going to love yet, and that includes our future selves???!!

I want to end by saying this, today marks the anniversary of ONE YEAR OF THE NEWSLETTER!!! I did not know when I committed to writing about anything at all every other week that it would change something in me, or more accurately give me the space to bring forward everything that already existed within me. I am so grateful to the people who instantly unsubscribed, because it forced me to be on my own team, and to double down on being myself. I am so grateful to the people who stayed and witnessed this journey like people on the sidelines of a marathon cheering me on. And I am so grateful to the people who tell me that they wait for it to arrive in their inbox. Back in November I was in a workshop with Peter Levine, and someone asked him if you can do somatic experiencing alone, and he said no, it’s the loving witness that heals us. Thank you for being my loving witnesses.

Here’s to YEAR TWO, and some surprises coming in the next few months!!!

All my love and care,

Jen

Ginger Shore, Causeway Inn, Tampa 1977 by Stephen Shore