What if Joy Actually is the Key?
I’m feeling a little shy, a little tongue tied. It’s always my intention to be honest with you. I wish I was more slick, but I never will be. I wish I was good at being a brand that wasn’t just me feeling exposed all the time, but I am all that I have to offer the world. It’s just me.
Everywhere I turn lately I see someone telling me how to heal my trauma the easy way, how to reset my nervous system with one neat breathing trick or a sequence of movements, what supplements to take for peri menopause (JESUS), what LED light mask to wear while I’m watching the latest episode of The Bachelor and sneak eating something that I shouldn’t be eating, because I spent all day trying to eat what I “should” be eating. I am tired of trying to be better. I am afraid that I am going to waste my precious life feeling like I’m always failing. Maybe I’m never gonna be super skinny again, maybe I’m never gonna go to yoga 5 days a week again, but I want to be happy. I want to be just me.
I want to look back on my life and think that was so fun and I loved so many people and they loved me and I did a bunch of stuff that scared me, and I wrote that book and I made mistakes and eventually (fingers crossed) in my 40’s (Please!) I learned to not treat myself like shit when I made them. I want to piss people off sometimes because I did not come here to not care about things and caring can lead to conflict, to hurt feelings and hurting feelings. I did not come here to be easy over being my self.
Here’s what I’ve really been thinking about… I don’t think life is supposed to be so dour. We take ourselves so fucking seriously and there is 1000% stuff to take seriously, lots of it, but that’s not even the stuff we take seriously! We take ourselves too seriously - ME TOO! What if JOY IS ACTUALLY THE KEY?
Last Sunday I ran errands with a dear friend. She got us heart sunglasses off the internet; we stood like insane people outside of Erewhon pointing at hearts on passing cars that only we could see. We went to Erewhon and spent too much money (#cloutchasers!), we bought socks on sale with stupid shit on them, went to a bakery we had never been to for a giant chocolate easter egg, to Target and ended our night with a genuinely bad Indian meal. We laughed, we told each other the truth about our lives, and it was the absolute best time. THIS IS ALSO HEALING!!!
HAVING FUN IS HEALING!! You are not an Industry. You are a person. Joy is your birthright! And even if you come into the world and wham it’s trauma after trauma, you are still allowed to HAVE FUN and FIND JOY! I score a 7 outta 10 on Adverse Childhood Experiences, and I have worked my ass off to get to where I am and also at least 50% of that work was having fun, finding love and connection, and many many moments of conscious JOY.
Therapy, YES! Trauma can physiologically block our ability to enjoy our lives. Go to therapy! Vagal Toning, Go for it! Breathwork, Sure! Soundbaths, don’t let anybody tell you that’s not a powerhouse experience! Coaching, Yes! Chase those dreams, go get that dharma! Get as many great people on your team as you can, but don’t forget… JOY IS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT, it already exists within you and when someone says to you, well isn’t that so Pollyanna I want you to think about how you treat someone in the grocery store when you are in a bad mood and how you treat them when you are filled with joy.
What if we are too focused on our pain?
xoxo Jenny
